BitterSweet Love
by jessieanne412
Summary: One-Shot It's Carlisle's wedding. His best friend has been in love with him since she's met him. He's clueless. She can't handle it anymore.


I watched from afar, as the bride and groom, danced away, staring deeply into each other's eyes. I watched the way he stared at her … as if he'd do anything for her … the way she would trace her fingertips on his arm. I could see clearly how much they loved each other … how much they deserved each other … how much they needed each other… but I couldn't help but wish it was me.

I remember the day that they found out I loved him. They thought it was a crush, and they ignored it … they thought it was something that would blow over. They never understood that he means everything to me, they never could see how much I wished I could make him laugh like that … No, they never truly understood. They thought it was just a petty crush, and I let them. I let them believe that, and acted as if I didn't love him, acted as if he was just something that was in my past. The thing was, my love for him never faded, it grew … and blossomed, into something I can no longer comprehend.

I love him so much, that it hurts me. It hurts to watch him touch her, and cuddle her, to be with her. It was like a dagger to my chest when I saw them kiss this afternoon, it was like the words echoed in my head, when they said their vows … it was as if they were shouting it, and mocking me …

It hurt me, when she came to me, and asked me if I would be one of her bridesmaids. She wanted me to be there, because I was his best friend … and I meant a lot to him. She knew it would be something special. I only said yes, because I knew it was what he wanted. I said yes, because I knew that if I didn't, I'd regret it. And I'd regret it because, after tonight, I made a promise to myself … a promise that I would no longer be in their lives. I'd let him have his happily ever after, without me … he no longer needed me.

It hurt killed me, when she asked me if I'd come with her to pick out her wedding dress. It pained me, when she asked me if she thought he would like it … And it killed me, with one look at the dress on her, I knew he would. I knew he would love it, and he would be the luckiest man in the world, that night.

I took a drink of my wine, and sighed, as the song ended. If only he knew … If only I told him soon enough. But it was too late for that, and I wasn't going to ruin something that could end up being the best thing that ever happened to him. I wouldn't let myself be the bad guy. Slowly, I put my drink down, and started backing away, watching the happy, and less-than-sober faces as I passed them. No one would notice me … at least, not until it was too late, and I was far gone, by then.

Turning around, I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, and walked towards the door. I had just reached it, when I decided to look back. They had stopped dancing, and now we're off to the side. His arms were wrapped around hers, and she had her face buried into his chest, but his eyes were on me. He was watching me; his eyes were sad and curious. He looked as if he wanted to stop me, but I shook my head.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, knowing he could hear me. "But I lied." His expression was confused, until, slowly, very slowly, realization dawned on him. My eyes started to burn, as I tried to hold back my tears. "Good luck in life, Carlisle." I whispered, as I quickly turned around, and fled.

I didn't stop running until I could see my car, just a few feet away from me. Slowly, I walked towards it, and leaned against my hood. My mind was wandering, as tears poured down my face. I tried, uselessly, to stop them. I cried, and cried, waiting for the tears to end, waiting for the pain to stop … and secretly, waiting for him to come after me.

Love was something people were blessed with. Something not everyone has, and those that do have it, should grab it and hold tight, because one day, it might be taken from you. Love was something I've never had any luck in, and always ended up hurt. I fell in love with the people, who could never love me back, and wouldn't even if they could.

I knew, one day, I'd find someone. Someone that would make me feel better. No, they wouldn't fix my heart, for once a heart is broken it will never be fully repaired. And Carlisle, he's unconsciously held a part of my heart for so long, that it could never come close to being fully fixed. But, I'd find someone … that could make it hurt a little less … make me feel wanted. Someone that would make me finally … be content with life. No, not exactly happy, but not crying myself to sleep every night, either.

For, Carlisle will hold my heart. He will be the one, and only man who could ever make me happy, and full of life. He could make me love life, and all the things in it. Carlisle is the only one that could make me cry to sleep every night, and still make me love him … the only man who could push me away, and I'd still want to come back for more …

But, I knew now, that would never happen. It was a hallucination, I once dreamed up long ago, and clung to it, like it was a life line. It was something that I wished, and willed to happen, but I tried too hard … far too hard. My heart played tricks on me, making me believe that I had even a slight chance with that man … my mind disagreed, but I ignored it. I ignored my common sense, because I couldn't see how much he loved her. How they were perfect for each other, and I was just in the way …

Slowly, I wiped my tears, and got into my car. I pushed my key in, and my car came alive. I looked towards the building one last time, and thought to myself, 'Why do people fall in love so easy, even when it's not right?' I shook my head, and took a breath, pulling out of the driveway, leaving my heart on the pavement, and my soul to linger in the cold, December air.


End file.
